I Am Not Gay
by souldreamer72
Summary: “For the last time we’re not ruddy gay and we’re not in bloody love!” Sirius roared, an irritated vein pulsing from his usually flawless face. Sirius and Remus prove for once and for all they are not gay. R&R please.


A/N: This is for my lovely friend, dragonrider33, and her rant of the day about how she absolutely, positively, despises the slash of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. If you would like to check out her ahem interesting rant, go to her profile, and yeah. This is for you dragonrider33, so you better like it. Oh yeah, one more thing, I did not copy the character of Kaylee from Lycaon118, she's based after a friend of mine who loves Remus Lupin, and I couldn't think of a better name. So, Lycaon118, my lovely friend of mine, please don't hurt me.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these Harry Potter characters, no matter how much I wish or dream or whatever, they will always belong to J.K. Rowling, so, yeah…

"For the last time we're not ruddy gay and we're not in bloody love!" Sirius roared, an irritated vein pulsing from his usually flawless face. "Now scram you gits and get the bloody hell out of my sight!"

"Come off it Padfoot, that was a little harsh for second years," Remus Lupin tried to reason with his friend settling himself on his poster bed, his eyes only for the book in his face.

Sirius shot a well-aimed hex that earned him a yelp from one of the fleeing boys; he chuckled darkly, but still not pleased even with his luck of the jinx.

"Not a chance Moony, if I get called gay one more time I swear that person will wake up with puss balls in the most unlikely of places," Sirius growled, slamming the door of their dorm. The messy raven headed boy flopped himself onto his own bed, not even bothering with his shoes or robe. "You need to find yourself a girl mate, then they'll bugger off us," Sirius decided, anger vanished from his tone.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" Remus questioned, sparing only one little glance from his precious book.

"Go out there and find someone mate! Come on, there's a bunch of them just waiting for a good ol' snog," Sirius pestered, glinting mischievous eyes and flashing a smirk only used for a devious prank.

"And what exactly do you mean by _that_?" Remus repeated. "You snog and flirt with girls practically every day, no, scratch that, every day, it's enough proof that we're not in this stupid gay love theory."

"Right you are Moony, but no one's every seen _you_ snog a girl."

"So…?"

"So, for all we know you _are_ gay."

Remus's eyes shot up, a glare narrowing his cerulean orbs. He chucked the thick volume at the still lying Sirius, satisfied when he heard a painful grunt.

"Oi! What was that for? I was just pointing out the possibilities, isn't that what you're all about?" Sirius retorted, pushing the book away from his chest. "Bloody hell, why do you get such big books, these things weigh more than a hippogriff."

"For you even thinking there was a slight chance that I was gay," Remus hissed.

"I was just saying, in my defense, it could've been true."

Through his shaggy brown hair, Remus's glower deepened, his brow furrowed and aggravated lines grazed over his features.

"Come on mate, it's not that hard all you've got to do is go up to a girl and ask her out on a date, that simple."

"Easy for you to say."

"Oh come off it, there are a bunch of girls desperate to date anyone. Not saying you're an anyone, just that they'd be glad to accept a date with someone such as handsome as you."

"Saying that makes you sound gay," Remus retorted, shaking his head.

"There has to be _someone_ Moony, some girl you've seen that's caught your attention for more than a couple of seconds."

Remus shifted his gaze to the window, heat generated up to his cheeks and blood rushed to his usual pale face. He had seen someone, that one girl…

_He was usually never late for class, but today was Sirius and James's favorite day to pull a prank on Snape and they had insisted on that he'd be there; and after hours of begging and pleading and promising, Remus had finally given in. It had been a brilliant prank, he had to admit, but now he was paying for it; if he was late for potions, he would get another unnecessary detention._

"_Umph!"_

_Books fell from both his and the other figure's arms._

"_Sorry about that," he muttered, quickly darting to pick up the scattered textbooks and papers._

"_That's alright, I'm just going to be late for transfiguration and get detention," a girl's voice spoke casually._

_Remus looked up to see the girl and his gaze just seemed to freeze. Her body was covered in the black school robe, marked with Hufflepuff, but her uniform was styled and altered from school policies. Long tresses of brunette hair fell from her pony tail; the tips were edged with a bold and evident magenta pink. The angles of her fair face pleased her nicely; a freckle there and here dotted her features. Her eyes were a sea green or aquamarine blue, Remus couldn't decide the color, her nose was a tiny peak, and her lips a pastel cherry. There was something about her, and whatever it was, he was enticed by it._

"_What are you staring at?" she asked, cocking her head ever slightly; it was so cliché, but the way she gazed at him…it shook the usual dormant butterflies in his stomach._

"_Er, nothing, uh, yeah, sorry," he mumbled, unconsciously shuffling his feet._

"_Well I've got to go, see you later."_

_And she rushed off._

"So what's her name?"

Remus jerked back to reality.

"What?" he asked, confusion laced at his voice.

"What's her name?" Sirius asked again, a devilish smile twisting his lips.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus helplessly attempted to cover up his sudden zone out, but Sirius had seen it; and once it was out, there was no way to get it back in, not with Sirius around.

"Come on Moony, I know that face, you've got a girl on your mind."

"I don't even know her."

"But you do like her," he determined, his words smug.

"I don't know her name. I just bumped into her that one time when you pulled that prank on Snape."

"What does she look like?"

"Well she's pretty pale…a Hufflepuff, her hair was brown and the tips were pink--" And then he stopped, flushing a lovely shade of scarlet, at realizing all that he had told his best friend. "And I just told you everything, bloody hell," he cursed.

"Ah, so you've got your eye on the little Miss Kaylee of Hufflepuff, well, she is a looker I must say, very pretty, very humble, and very smart. It's a wonder why she isn't in Ravenclaw, but she is very sweet. I'd say she's a little crazy from what I've heard of her, she didn't want to snog when I flirted with her, but other from that she's a good girl, perfect for you, nice catch mate." He regarded, weighing the positives of the girl. "Now all you've got to do is ask her out."

"I don't know her Padfoot, what makes you think I'd ask her out."

"Because if you don't, I'll do it for you." And Sirius bolted from the dorm.

"Oi! Kaylee!" Sirius hollered from across the Black Lake to a girl dosing under a willow.

"No Black, I don't want to go out with you. Now shove off, I've got to study for an exam." Her temper flared to her words, strained not to curse a spell at him for disrupting the complicated charm she was trying to conjure.

"Oh no, it's not me that wants to talk, it's Moony," Sirius said, slowing his steps and ambling to a stop.

"Who's Moony?" she asked, curiosity striking her mind, she looked up to him skeptically.

"You know, Remus Lupin, he should be here in three…two…one."

"Sirius!" The shout of another approaching male caught Kaylee's attention. The shabby boy she had run into a couple of weeks prior was racing toward them, obviously wanting to strangle Sirius judging by the glint in his eyes.

"Good to have you here chap, well, I'll just be leaving you two love birds alone," Sirius gave an evident wink to Remus before strolling off to catch another girl.

"So, er, what did he mean by love birds?" Kaylee was the first to break the awkward silence.

"Oh nothing," but his ears had gone a ruby, blaring the sign of a lie.

Uncomfortable quiet swelled once again, taking the air.

"Well, I've got to go, studying and such." She rose to her feet, collecting her books. "Nice meeting you, uh, Remus was it?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Sirius," a dry chuckle slipped from her lips.

"And you're Kaylee, right?"

"Yep, and you know because of, Sirius?" she guessed. He nodded. "Well, I'll see you around."

Remus watched as the girl, Kaylee, started to leave. He really was frozen, hypnotized by that something about her that made it so he couldn't move, couldn't speak. But a pain hit him in the back of his head jerking him back to reality; a rock. Remus turned slowly to see Sirius some yards away, exasperation etched all over his face. 'Go after her!' Sirius mouthed to him, barely containing himself from yelling. He shook his head fiercely to say no. 'If you don't, I will!' And in his regular voice, Sirius called, "Kaylee! Wait up! I've got to tell you something!"

It was a race. Remus had been closer, but Sirius had the advantage. "I've got to tell you something--"

"No you don't!"

"Remus really--"

"No I don't!"

"And he wants to--"

"Shut it Padfoot!"

"Oi!" Kaylee's voice silenced them both, their eyes going to the girl they had somehow managed to reach without killing each other. "What is going on?!" She couldn't tell what this was. A joke? A prank?

"Moony really wants to tell you something," Sirius started.

"Go away Padfoot," Remus growled.

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Why would I tell her?"

"Tell me what?" Kaylee interrupted, her face read pure bewilderment.

"Nothing--" But Sirius cut him off.

"If you're not going to tell her, then I will."

"Fine, I'll tell her, will you just shut up and go away then?"

Sirius looked taken back, but only for the moment. "Wow Moony, didn't know you had it in you, well, good luck." And he made his way out before Remus could change his mind or Kaylee could ask questions.

"So are you going to tell me?"

"Oh, right…" he kicked the ground nervously, and he couldn't direct his gaze to hers.

"Is something wrong?" she seemed to notice his anxiety. It was like he was in his own world, debating over something inside his head; he didn't even react to her inquiry.

"Uh, Remus?"

Again, no response.

"Remus," she laid her fingers upon his forearm and he jumped.

"Oh sorry, uh, right, uh, what was I talking about?"

"You were going to tell me something," she prompted, just wanting him to spit it out.

"Right, er, well, I don't really know how to say this but, uh, here." Without thought, he planted a hesitant and unsure kiss upon her lips. It lingered for the seconds, both of them too shocked to truly comprehend. And then, it just happened, they figured it out and let it happen.

The kiss was only broken by a wolf whistle and whooping of none other than Sirius.

"Ha! There you have it world! I am not gay!"


End file.
